School has started.
As parents, we want our children to be happy all the time. But what if they experience or witness bullying at school? Do they know what to do? Many adults don’t know exactly how to stop a bully. Imagine how much more helpless your children feel when confronting a bully? By teaching our children how to take charge of a bullying situation, we can help them defend themselves against bullies and reduce opportunities for bullies.
More bullies than we know
The experts at dosomething.org have compiled some dismaying statistics from reliable sources:
- More than 3.2 million students are bullied every year in schools and outside of school (cyber-bullying)
- Most (67 percent) of students feel their schools do not respond well to bullying
- Nearly all (90 percent) of students from fourth through eighth grade say they have been victims of bullying
While we trust our children’s teachers, perceptions of bullying differ from child to adult, and even between adults. Says veteran Pennsylvania elementary teacher Vivien Kloss, “Sometimes we teachers see something we think might be bullying, but both kids say there was no bullying, or parents defend the bully. It becomes he said-she said, and nothing happens to the bully.”
Roughly 25 percent of teachers say they see nothing wrong with some bullying, and teachers only intervene about four percent of the time. Yet the research says most students do see bullying, have to contend with a bully, and—perhaps worse—do see adults not stepping in to stop a bully.
Fortify Your Child
Being a victim of bullying is terrible and crushes the spirit of a child as few other obstacles to learning can. Yet witnessing a bully in action and feeling helpless to intervene safely can be just as debilitating as being the victim. You send your child off to school every day hoping she or he will thrive, and feel loved and supported by peers and adults. Teach your children to step up in a safe, assertive way and make the whole school day brighter and better for them. If your child’s school has cameras, remind your child that everything is recorded and that it will not be their word against the bully’s.
Five Fingers
The U.S. Department of Health & Human Services offers parents five tips to help their children stand up to a bully. The tips are easy to teach, and, few in number, are easy for children to remember:
- Friend—Be a friend to the person being bullied, not necessarily at the moment a bully is at work, but at other times. Bullying victims feel better knowing they are not alone.
- Speak—Tell a trusted adult—not necessarily a teacher—about the bully. An adult (coach, custodian, lunch lady or family member) can intervene while bullying is going on, prevent it in the first place, or just give the person being bullied a little TLC.
- Distract—Help the bullying victim to get away from the bully, using any handy excuse (“Mrs. Smith needs to see you,” “We need you for our game right now.”)
- Model—Set a good example for your friends by not bullying classmates, being part of anti-bullying campaigns, and encouraging others to work against bullying.
- Deny—By avoiding laughing, shouting or supporting the bully when she or he is terrorizing classmates, you deprive bullies of their audience.
Rehearse
Teaching your children the five fortifying fingers to oppose a bully is not enough. Keep the lines of communication open with your child. For a captive audience, dinnertime is the best time to get updates on your children’s day. If your child is a victim or witnesses a bullying situation, walk through the incident and set the scene at home. If he is the witness, encourage your child to intervene safely, to avoid shifting the bully’s focus from a classmate to them. Make certain they know not to have physical contact with the bully.
